Early Warnings of Date Violence and Safety

Early Warnings of Date Violence and Safety

Here is a list of early warning signs that your date may eventually become abusive:

* Extreme jealousy
* Controlling behavior
* Quick involvement
* Unpredictable mood swings
* Alcohol and drug use
* Explosive anger
* Isolates you from friends and family
* Uses force during an argument
* Shows hypersensitivity
* Believes in rigid sex roles
* Blames others for his problems or feelings
* Cruel to animals or children
* Verbally abusive
* Abused former partners
* Threatens violence

Did you read this list carefully? I thought I heard you say things like, “It only happened once,” “He was so sorry,” “He wasn’t himself,” or “I can change him.” Don’t count on it! You all know someone who has been abused by the person who is suppose to love them. You have heard them make excuses or even say it is their fault. I’m not going to preach on the subject, but I will give you some ways to make your dates safe. Remember: Girls/women abuse boys/men or other females.

Here are some ways to make dating safer:

* Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person.
* Before leaving on a date, know the exact plans for the evening and make sure a parent or friend knows these plans and what time to expect you home. Let your date know that you are expected to call or tell that person when you get in.
* Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
* If you leave a party with someone you do not know well, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom. Ask a friend to call and make sure you arrived home safely.
* Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.
* Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation.

I probably copied this from one or more web sites, but I have no idea which ones. I think trusting your instincts are the most important.

Until next time,
Alice

Dating Violence

Teenagers often experience violence in dating relationships. I have many questions from teens about dating violence as Prom time and graduation approach. Perhaps that is because the couple will not be seeing each other as often with the end of the school year and one or the other is going on vacation or off to college.

Statistics show that one in three teenagers have experienced violence in a dating relationship. In dating violence, one partner tries to maintain power and control over the other through abuse. Dating violence crosses all racial, economic and social lines. Most victims are young women, who are also at greater risk for serious injury. Men also are battered or verbally abused by their female partners.

Women (of any age) may feel they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships. They may think their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic." They may also think abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused. They may feel there is no one to ask for help.

Men (of any age) may believe they have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary. They may believe "masculinity" is physical aggressiveness. They may feel they “own” their partner and should demand intimacy. They may also feel they will lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

More important is that males believe “nice guys finish last” and unfortunately, it is often true.

Remember: Drugs and alcohol impair your instincts and reactions.

Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation. Next time we will look at how to make dating safe for both parties.

Until next time,
Alice