No Date for Prom

For many young people, it feels like the end of the world when prom time comes and they have no date. I am told that no school requires “couples only” can attend the prom. It is your prom if it is your school and many goes without dates or in small groups. I did not attend high school so I have no idea what it would be like to go to a prom. We were very poor and I could not have had a pretty dress. I never learned to dance either.

Some of my clients choose not to attend prom because they do not believe in dancing or cannot afford to go. What do they do instead? Some invite friends to their home and watch movies or have a picnic. Some working students volunteer to take a co-workers shift so he or she can attend. Some students spend the day visiting nursing homes and entertaining the folks their. Yes, and there are those who feel alone and need a friend. Think of creative ways to befriend that person. It will make you both feel better.

One young man told me he could not afford to go to his prom and spent the evening checking out college programs and making plans for his future. He is in his third year of college (at a university he had never heard of) and wants to become a school counselor. He says school, in any grade, should not be as painful as it is. He also said one of his friends was killed on the way home from the prom. Had he gone, he probably would have been in that car.

Don’t drink and drive! Don’t ride with a driver who is drinking! Before the big night make arrangements for a ride home if you feel unsafe. It may be a parent, another adult, or a friend. Be safe and enjoy your prom.

For those graduating, congratulations! Think about continuing school in some form whether it be college or vocational. Have a safe summer.

Until next time,
Alice

Early Warnings of Date Violence and Safety

Early Warnings of Date Violence and Safety

Here is a list of early warning signs that your date may eventually become abusive:

* Extreme jealousy
* Controlling behavior
* Quick involvement
* Unpredictable mood swings
* Alcohol and drug use
* Explosive anger
* Isolates you from friends and family
* Uses force during an argument
* Shows hypersensitivity
* Believes in rigid sex roles
* Blames others for his problems or feelings
* Cruel to animals or children
* Verbally abusive
* Abused former partners
* Threatens violence

Did you read this list carefully? I thought I heard you say things like, “It only happened once,” “He was so sorry,” “He wasn’t himself,” or “I can change him.” Don’t count on it! You all know someone who has been abused by the person who is suppose to love them. You have heard them make excuses or even say it is their fault. I’m not going to preach on the subject, but I will give you some ways to make your dates safe. Remember: Girls/women abuse boys/men or other females.

Here are some ways to make dating safer:

* Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person.
* Before leaving on a date, know the exact plans for the evening and make sure a parent or friend knows these plans and what time to expect you home. Let your date know that you are expected to call or tell that person when you get in.
* Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
* If you leave a party with someone you do not know well, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom. Ask a friend to call and make sure you arrived home safely.
* Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.
* Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation.

I probably copied this from one or more web sites, but I have no idea which ones. I think trusting your instincts are the most important.

Until next time,
Alice