Happy Father's Day to all the "Dads" out there!
Remember Dad today (and every day). That includes biological, adoptive, stepdad, foster dad, and anyone who acts as a dad. Sometimes that is the neighbor, granddad, teacher, or someone else. Sometimes that is the single mother acting as both parents. Just let them know you appreciate them being there for you.
Remember: Love grows as it is spread around. Love is never forgotten.
Until next time,
Alice
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Dad Sold My Inheritance
Inheritance has come up three times this week, once when Mom was given the house through divorce and two after the death of one parent. In each case, the parent with the house told the adult kids they were selling the home before doing so. Some of the kids was okay with that, but one in each family was angry and believed the parent should have just given the house to them. It had been their home for several years as children and they believed it was their inheritance.
I was able to talk to each parent and was told the kids had all been given a chance to buy it at a below market price with the parent holding the mortgage. Each parent did not “need” the money, but the memories were just too much to handle. Each parent felt they needed a fresh start. In each case the children had been gone from home for over 15 years and had not contributed to the upkeep and seldom visited even though all three lived less than 500 miles from here.
Sorry, Kids, your parent does not owe you that house just because it was your home when you were a child. Inheritance is just that, an inheritance after they have died!
In one case, Mom had been very ill for several years with only Dad as the caregiver. The other Dad had visited his wife in the Alzheimer’s unit for years before she died. Oddly enough, neither complainer actually wanted to live in the houses, they intended to sell them too. After the lengthy illnesses, there was no valuable estate to divide.
For those of you waiting for a parent to die so you will get the family home, it very well will not happen if there is a surviving parent who wants to live in it or to sell it. Inheritance comes after death, usually of both parents.
Until next time,
Alice
I was able to talk to each parent and was told the kids had all been given a chance to buy it at a below market price with the parent holding the mortgage. Each parent did not “need” the money, but the memories were just too much to handle. Each parent felt they needed a fresh start. In each case the children had been gone from home for over 15 years and had not contributed to the upkeep and seldom visited even though all three lived less than 500 miles from here.
Sorry, Kids, your parent does not owe you that house just because it was your home when you were a child. Inheritance is just that, an inheritance after they have died!
In one case, Mom had been very ill for several years with only Dad as the caregiver. The other Dad had visited his wife in the Alzheimer’s unit for years before she died. Oddly enough, neither complainer actually wanted to live in the houses, they intended to sell them too. After the lengthy illnesses, there was no valuable estate to divide.
For those of you waiting for a parent to die so you will get the family home, it very well will not happen if there is a surviving parent who wants to live in it or to sell it. Inheritance comes after death, usually of both parents.
Until next time,
Alice
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Caregiver for a Parent
Meeting topics seem to go in cycles. The past few meetings have been about caring for an elderly parent. This will include some questions and answers. Please be sure to add your comments.
Q: I sleep with my mother so I will hear her when she needs something. Do you think this is a good thing.
A: No, I don’t. Parents I have talked to are very uncomfortable with that arrangement. It makes them feel like a small child and they are afraid to move or take a deep breath for fear of waking their bedmate. The adult child bedmate does not get a good night’s rest for much the same reason since he or she is afraid to move for fear of waking the parent. It is like keeping one eye open all night just in case something goes wrong.
Q: I don’t want to be in another room. What’s the answer?
A: Is there room for a folding cot by the bed? It might not be as comfortable, but one might get more or a better rest. How about putting an inflatable mattress beside the bed? You might even find that back problems go away. At least, each of you can move about in a normal way.
Rest is often at a premium when the parent needs to go to the bathroom or have medication or a drink of water. One can seldom get back to sleep immediately and often becomes a grouchy caregiver not matter how much one loves the parent or wants to do it.
The same goes for caregivers of spouses. Sleeping in the same bed is much more comfortable spouses, but there often comes a time when the caregiver gets more rest when the “big” bed is exchanged for twin beds or by adding a twin bed.
Please remember to take care of the caregiver by asking for help or respite care so you can get out for even a few hours of freedom from being on alert. When you become sick, there will be nobody to care for the patient.
Until next,
Alice
Q: I sleep with my mother so I will hear her when she needs something. Do you think this is a good thing.
A: No, I don’t. Parents I have talked to are very uncomfortable with that arrangement. It makes them feel like a small child and they are afraid to move or take a deep breath for fear of waking their bedmate. The adult child bedmate does not get a good night’s rest for much the same reason since he or she is afraid to move for fear of waking the parent. It is like keeping one eye open all night just in case something goes wrong.
Q: I don’t want to be in another room. What’s the answer?
A: Is there room for a folding cot by the bed? It might not be as comfortable, but one might get more or a better rest. How about putting an inflatable mattress beside the bed? You might even find that back problems go away. At least, each of you can move about in a normal way.
Rest is often at a premium when the parent needs to go to the bathroom or have medication or a drink of water. One can seldom get back to sleep immediately and often becomes a grouchy caregiver not matter how much one loves the parent or wants to do it.
The same goes for caregivers of spouses. Sleeping in the same bed is much more comfortable spouses, but there often comes a time when the caregiver gets more rest when the “big” bed is exchanged for twin beds or by adding a twin bed.
Please remember to take care of the caregiver by asking for help or respite care so you can get out for even a few hours of freedom from being on alert. When you become sick, there will be nobody to care for the patient.
Until next,
Alice
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