Sunday, January 31, 2010

Conference Workshop

How addiction effects everyone

I will be presenting a workshop at the 21st Annual Growing Through Loss Conference in Las Cruces, New Mexico on Friday, February 5th. This conference covers many areas of loss and grief. The title of my workshop is “Mothers and Others who Love an Addict.”

People, who do not use and abuse drugs (legal or illegal), cannot understand what the addicted person goes through no matter how hard we try. This workshop tries to bring understanding to both the addicted and the ones that love them. You may think it odd that the emotions of both are very much the same; guilt, shame, embarrassment, frustration, pain, lack of control, and helplessness.

People with high self-esteem and respect for themselves will have no need to try drugs in the first place. If you do not try them, you will not become addicted. Sounds simple, doesn’t it. For many, it is not tempting, as they do not have to prove anything to themselves or to their friends.

For those trying to fit into a group or to stand out within a group, it is altogether different. Addiction is a strange thing. Some people become addicted very quickly, for others it takes a little longer. Once addicted, it means physical and mental pain for the person and everyone around him or her. Addiction often leads to prison, murder, or suicide. It always leads to pain; pain for him or herself, parents, children, relatives, friends, co-workers, and even total strangers.

Addiction is powerful and recovery is a continuing process. We must talk openly and honestly about addiction. Conversation can lead to recovery. Addicts must be held accountable for their actions, but our love for the person need not stop. It is never too late to start the process.

Until next time,
Alice

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Drug overdose, a cat, a good ending

Drug overdose, a cat, a good ending

A friend came into my sewing shop to tell me about Mr. Kitty. She and Boyfriend use drugs. He had fallen asleep on the couch and she went to bed. At some point during the early morning, Mr. Kitty jumped on the bed meowing and tried to dig her out of the covers. She yelled at him and pulled the covers over her head. He persisted, scratching her forehead. Throwing back the covers, she chased him down the hall and he jumped on Boyfriend’s head scratching his face and forehead. She shook Boyfriend and he felt cold. She called 911 and had Mr. Kitty not gotten her out of bed, Boyfriend would have died. As it is, it looks as if he will make a full recovery. She said she would rethink drug use.

I gave her a book that my son and I wrote about five years ago. It is “Don’t Stop the Love: For Mothers-and Others-Who Love an Addict” by Alice B. Davenport and James A. Oetting. It is available from Amazon for $10.95. It was written when I facilitated a support group for mothers of adult children with addiction problems. Some did not know where their “kids” were. Knowing the pain a mother goes through, I talked with them offering what I could. By that time, James had been in recovery for a few years. He was willing to relive those horrible times to be able to tell me what I needed to pass on to the mothers. We both knew he might go back into active addiction. We both took the chance and wrote the book. It is short (68 pages in large print) and to the point, he spoke honestly about how he felt during his active addiction.

James has been in recovery for over 10 years and talks to anyone who needs to talk about drugs or alcohol, and addiction and recovery.

Until next time,
Alice

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Fatal drug overdose: Do you tell?

Fatal drug overdose: Do you tell?

My answer is simple, “yes.”

People often think of unsavory, dirty, long haired men in dark alleys doing drugs. There are many men and women of all ages who die of drug overdose from prescription drugs and/or a combination of both legal and illegal, often mixed with alcohol. Please remember, even the “unsavory” person was once a mother’s little boy.

Often, the first thought people have when a person dies with no reason given is; DRUG OVERDOSE. It becomes like walking around that “elephant in the living room.” Nobody knows what to say. They mumble and look away. We should not be ashamed of our loved one. We do not have to agree with how a person lives, but the love should always be there.

I told my son if he died of an overdose, I would tell the world. It might make one of his friends realize how fragile life is and lead to them getting into recovery. Thank God I did not have to do that.

Drug user companions often do not feel welcome at the funeral or memorial service, and unfortunately they are usually right. In their pain, loved ones often blame them for not doing something, not understanding that person had free will. It could have been any one of them. There are no easy answers when it comes to drug addiction and the pain that goes with it.

Share your experiences.
Until next time,
Alice

Drug Overdose

The early morning started out rotten.

A mother I know quite well called to ask advice about “pulling the plug” on her brain-dead son. He was not yet 20 years old and there was no way for him to recover from a drug overdose. She had to make the decision. We talked for over an hour.

She cussed, she cried, she prayed. She accused me of not understanding. She laughed when she recalled something funny when he was a kid. She blamed herself for not being a better mother. She blamed others for not helping him. She ranted and raved about how unfair life is. After a few minutes of silence, she went to do what had to be done; pull the plug.

She was right. I did not have to make that decision, but during the many years my son did drugs. I knew one day I might have to make that decision. Today he has been in recovery for 10 years. Even then, that does not mean he will never become an active user. He has to count the days, I can not stop the love.

Want to share an experience?
Until next time,
Alice

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Beginnings

This is the beginning of an new adventure for me. I read blogs, but here I am trying to put one together. Everyone assures me it is easy, so we shall see.
I will talk about a variety of family issues and situations such as family violence, adoption, incest and child sexual abuse, grandparents raising grandchildren, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, and many other topics.
To make this a valuable learning and sharing tool, I need your input. It will do no good to think something without sharing it for others to read. I write books and speak to groups of people. I do not use anyone's name and will alter certain things to maintain everyone's privacy. I have always promised to keep identities private even if I have to say I made it up. I continue that promise.
I will organize my topics and start getting my feet wet as a blogger in a few days. Stay with me and offer subjects you would like to discuss.
Until next time, Alice

Remember: once you write it on the World Wide Web, it is just that...world wide and will stay forever. Be careful